


Broken Hallelujah

by LexieCarver



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 14:55:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10766565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexieCarver/pseuds/LexieCarver
Summary: Pairing: Lucifer x ReaderWord Count: 1,529Beta: @raspberrymamaA/N: Highly dysfunctional relationship! Luci is abusive. ANGST. Not fluffy. Ironically the albums that inspire me are angsty despite my aversion to angst itself. *shrugs.* This was written for @mrs-squirrel-chester album challenge. I picked the album Love and War-Ep by ZZ Ward. This was written for the title song. Love 3x. The ending is based on a late horror night flick I watched. I blame Netflix! This was tough to write. I don’t like writing non-fluff or abusive beings but gotta go where the inspiration takes you.





	Broken Hallelujah

[Also posted on Tumblr-](http://roxy-davenport.tumblr.com/post/160139154936/broken-hallelujah)

 

 

“I wasn’t cheating, Luci,” you pleaded with him, tears brimming in your eyes

 

 

Lucifer was seething, the red threatening to take over his eyes. “You were fawning over him! Flirting with him.”

 

 

“No. I was being nice. He asked me -.”

 

 

“You’re mine. All mine. Chuck chose you for me!”

 

 

“I know he did. You know I’m yours.”

 

 

“Do I?”

 

 

“You’re hurting my arm,” you growled.

 

 

“I’m barely touching you,” he answered incredulously.

 

 

You shoved him off you in a angry huff. He slapped you. You looked at him shocked and hurt, your hand on your cheek, tears in your eyes. You looked down at the floor and said the same thing you always said each time, “I will always love you but you will never be able to love me. This “love” will doom us both.” You grabbed the book bag you packed earlier and ran out. You had to make him understand. He had to understand. This had to be the one time that he actually let you go but of course it wasn’t.

 

 

 

He would lurk at your work and in your life. If you left that job, if you left that town, he’d show up wherever you surfaced. Once, he even went into the body of your boss to have a little chat with you. There was no hiding, no spell, no Enochian sigil that could shield you from him. He would find you every time no matter what. You felt like a mouse being played with by a cat. He would watch you every second of the day. Even as you slept, you felt his presence in the room; saw him in your dreams. He would haunt you until you gave in. And you always would, because you loved him. You hated the pain, but you loved him through and through.

 

He would start off nice, sweet even. He’d take care of you, love you and like all the other times, you believed that he had changed. That he had learned how to love. But it was a game to ensnare you yet again. He didn’t learn anything. The same conversations started in an endless loop. You knew you would never escape until it consumed you both. You tried to be understanding and see things from his point of view. That’s what Lucifer was hoping for. That kindness would ensnare you and make you stay longer. Maybe try and fix him, hope that next time would be different. But it never was. You slumped down on the wall, tears flowing freely, half the living room was destroyed and there were bruises on your arm.

 

Lucifer flew off leaving you in the shambles around you, ashamed and angry at himself but he never told you that. So the anger you felt flowing from him made you think he was angry with you. In truth he couldn’t control the darkness, the jealousy, the anger, the hatred of humanity, not even for you. He was too damaged and broken from several lifetimes in the cage and the abandonment phobia he now had thanks to Chuck. All he ever knew was pain and suffering. He couldn’t love you because he couldn’t dare feel loved, only to be rejected again. But none of that mattered. You both never talked about anything that mattered. You either loved or you fought. There was no in-between and there was no talking about the other side of him. He knew he was destroying you, he saw it in every glance but he had no idea how to turn back and become the loving man he was months ago.

  

“You’re forbidden to go out.”

 

 

“What?!”

 

 

“You’re mine.”

 

 

“You can't just -.”

 

 

“I’m your soulmate. People are looking for me and -.”

 

 

“You’re jealous. You think I would leave you, find better,” you answered back knowing there were demons looking for you but that wasn’t why he wanted you to stay here.

 

 

“So you have been thinking that?”

 

 

“No! I’m saying that’s what you think I’m thinking about.”

 

 

“So what are you really thinking about?”

 

 

“About whether we’ll survive this?”

 

 

“What does that mean?”

 

 

“Look at this. Look at us. Arguing, fighting, jealousy, anger, fear. This isn’t love. You can’t love!”

 

 

“A human dares question an archangel?”

 

 

“And there’s your infinite ego and pride talking. What happened to the Lucifer who held me tight? Who comforted me? Made love to me? Where is he?”

 

 

Lucifer paused, chest heaving, still angry but now confused and thoughtful.

 

 

“I’m yours. I’m not leaving you. In all the times I’ve walked out, I always came back and I NEVER slept with anyone else. I love you but I can’t do this anymore if you can’t love me back.”

 

 

And of course just when you get somewhere important in the relationship, start talking about things, Lucifer flies off. You sighed heavily and put your head in your hands. Little did you know that Lucifer flew back to you and watched you; really saw the pain he was causing. A surprising emotion, guilt flared up. He didn't like it, couldn't shake it. It made him angry which made him kill several of his demons just because.

 

 

He came back and found you asleep. He carefully woke you up and made love to you. Every touch was gentle, loving. His hands glided up and down your body. His mouth, his hands were so perfect. You came several times over and over again. It was heaven to feel him thrust into you, so content in the moment with you in his arms. You felt whole, truly connected but like always, two weeks later he was back to being cruel.

 

 

 

That time you left and you never came back. True to form, demons that hated Lucifer found you and harmed you. He didn’t hear the call. He didn’t feel the harm they were doing. He should have. You were his soulmate. He should have been there the second he felt a murmur of discomfort. He came in time and saved you but he should have come there earlier. He would have, if he felt you were in trouble but somehow he didn’t feel that. Looking at you hurt, dead demons surrounding you, he knew he had been loving you all the wrong way. He couldn’t love and you were paying the price. His heart sunk. He used the last of his failing grace to heal you but not all the way. The damage was intense and Crowley had him on a short leash. His infinite power was frustratingly unavailable to him at the present moment.

 

 

You woke up with a start every day.

 

 

“I am your soulmate. You husband Lucifer, the archangel. You are safe here with me in Hell. You were in an accident and you can’t remember things, you can only remember today. There are pictures of us to remind you. It’s okay, nothing to be afraid of. I’m here to help you, “ Lucifer told you each morning.

 

 

Your eyes so helpless and lost begging him for love and acceptance. Whenever he got mad, he left and killed demons. When he got frustrated, he watched something on the television. He never acted out against you. He learned coping mechanisms. He was perfect, the best husband anyone could ever ask for. He just hoped that when he got his grace completely back, you’d still love him and he could still love you like he did now. That he wouldn’t go back to his old habits when you were better. That he would fight to remain what you needed him to be. You were right and he saw that now, you were doomed by your broken love, a broken hallelujah.

 


End file.
